


DAVID AND KARKAT GET A LITTLE FRISKY FOR YOU

by itsrose



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anal bleeding, Blood, Earth C (Homestuck), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:46:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22661209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsrose/pseuds/itsrose
Summary: Dave and Karkat one night only people
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	DAVID AND KARKAT GET A LITTLE FRISKY FOR YOU

DAVE: oh  
DAVE: OH  
DAVE: wow i  
DAVE: i did not expect to come home to see this  
KARKAT: DO YOU LIKE THIS, DAVE.  
KARKAT: IT'S FOR YOU.  
DAVE: wow well i dunno  
DAVE: i mean its like  
DAVE: what does like even mean anymore  
DAVE: its like its like  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: its like did kung fu guy from kung fu really like going from town to town fucking everyone up along the way  
DAVE: or was it just the only thing he could do  
DAVE: its like when does it become a law of the universe  
DAVE: woof  
DAVE: hey hi hello hi  
KARKAT: HELLO, DAVE.  
KARKAT: DO YOU MIND IF I...  
DAVE: mmm nope no don't mind at all ahahah woo yeah this is no problem let me just MAKE SURE WEVE UH  
KARKAT: I ALREADY CLOSED ALL THE BLINDS, BUBBORINO. THEY'RE CLOSED.  
DAVE: all of em?  
KARKAT: ALL OF THEM.  
DAVE: yes ok cool you know how it is you know how i get  
DAVE: i like the house to be just our own little island in this love ocean you know  
DAVE: no seabirds no scorpions with all those eyes no nothin  
DAVE: no propeller airplanes flyin overhead once a year and were all out there hoppin up and down desperately trying to find a rock to finish spelling out help on the beach  
KARKAT: DAVE.  
DAVE: yeah  
KARKAT: I CAN SEE THROUGH YOUR LITTLE BOY SHORTS YOU'VE GOT A RAGING PULSING HARD-ON GROWING.  
KARKAT: SO SHUT THE HELL UP AND LET ME GET AT THAT _DICK_ WITH WHAT I GOT!!!!  
DAVE: ok  
KARKAT:  
DAVE:  
DAVE:  
KARKAT:  
DAVE:  
DAVE:  
DAVE:  
DAVE:  
KARKAT:  
DAVE:  
KARKAT:  
DAVE:  
DAVE:  
KARKAT:  
KARKAT:  
KARKAT:  
KARKAT:  
KARKAT:  
DAVE: ok ok wait a sec  
DAVE: you know that thing i mentioned yesterday  
KARKAT: WHAT THING.  
DAVE: you know  
DAVE: the *thing*  
KARKAT: OH!! THE THING!  
DAVE: yeah the thing  
KARKAT: YES, OF COURSE I REMEMBER THE THING YOU MENTIONED. THE ONE THAT WAS DISTINCTLY A MEMORABLE THING AMONG THE REST OF THE MUSCLEBEAT LEAVINGS THAT ARE CONSTANTLY TUMBLING OUT OF YOUR LOAD GAPER OF A SQUAWK GAPER.  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: that one  
KARKAT:  
DAVE:  
KARKAT:  
DAVE: ok ok  
DAVE: the thing about  
DAVE: yknow  
DAVE: the  
DAVE: the thing  
KARKAT: YEAH THE THING IN THE THING.  
KARKAT: DAVE. NOBODY. IS. WATCHING.  
DAVE: or  
KARKAT: OR LISTENING!!!  
DAVE: ok well i just wanna be able to be sure im just lookin you know you never know when theres like sweet ninjaku hidin out bidin their time you know  
DAVE: a mans gotta be ready a mans gotta know what to do to protect his family and hes gotta be ready to get it done in a split second it at the first glimpse of the shuriken you know  
DAVE: you know  
KARKAT: OH, YES. I KNOW.  
DAVE: okay well i mean  
DAVE: the thing  
DAVE: the thing about harry potter  
DAVE: the magic school thing  
KARKAT: THAT THING??  
KARKAT: I THOUGHT YOU WERE JOKING  
DAVE: yeah no  
KARKAT: OK REMIND ME  
DAVE: could you just  
KARKAT: (ok. sure. quiet.)  
KARKAT: (you have a magic school thing. you said you have a fetish for...)  
KARKAT: (the magic school bus.)  
DAVE: NO the magic school boy  
DAVE: the boy from magic school HARRY POTTER  
KARKAT: (right.)  
DAVE: hes got a zigzag scar on his head and wears a scarf and has magic  
KARKAT: I DON'T *THINK* I KNOW ANYONE LIKE THAT  
KARKAT: *WONK*  
KARKAT: ERIDAN AMPORA THE CHARACTER.  
KARKAT: (yeah. harry potter. what kind of name is that.)  
KARKAT: (how could that name be remembered by anybody.)  
DAVE: it was a famous household name about a magic boy in magic school  
KARKAT: (but his name was... what was it?)  
DAVE: hardy poter  
KARKAT: (human names arent just an adjective and a random preindustrial career. i am quite sure of that.)  
KARKAT: (plus magic is ass and shit.)  
DAVE: yeah but hes just a movie  
KARKAT: (so in human movies characters' names can just be a short description? that's fucking stupid. but i guess its all part of making them so short.)  
DAVE: no no no its just him and its just that name his name is harry potter  
DAVE: and i guess its not actually harry potter that gets me off that GETS MY ROCKS off  
DAVE: its imagining him getting kicked out of wizard school and banished to the farlands  
DAVE: i dont know what it is its just the idea of this shitty wizard boy getting banished it just  
KARKAT: OH, WOW. OH WOW I CAN FEEL THAT.  
DAVE: yeah  
DAVE: it has an effect on me  
KARKAT: OK SO  
KARKAT: SO YOU WANT ME TO...?  
DAVE: pssssswt pssswt psssewwtt sspptwesswpsst  
KARKAT: UH HUH.  
DAVE: pspspwt wtttt sssswpwpwt  
KARKAT: UH HUH, OKAY.  
KARKAT: OKAY, I THINK I CAN REMEMBER TO SAY THAT  
DAVE: ok sweet  
DAVE: now lets fuck with our balls  
KARKAT: LETS FUCK WITH OUR TONGUES AND GENITALS!!  
KARKAT: AND ANUSES! LETS LOOK AT OUR ANUSES!!  
DAVE: yeah yeaaaahhh check out this anus  
KARKAT: WOOOOOOO, NICE ANUS!  


AND THEY WERE VERY GOOD FRIENDS FOR A WHILE...  


DAVE:  
KARKAT:  
DAVE:  
DAVE:  
KARKAT:  
KARKAT:  
DAVE: woah HOLD on there partner  
DAVE: no sticky fingy in my butty  
KARKAT: OH.  
KARKAT: I THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE THAT.  
DAVE: yeah no  
DAVE: dont think so kid i know your ways  
DAVE: you get your sick little ass jollies somewhere else  
DAVE: dont forget who i am  
DAVE: who am i  
KARKAT: UGH.  
KARKAT: YOU'RE THE COMMANDER.  
DAVE: and  
KARKAT: AND THE MASTER.  
KARKAT: YOU'RE THE MASTER AND THE COMMANDER.  
DAVE: yeah thats fuckin right  
DAVE: aint no master and commander gettin caught with HIS joynook gettin spelunked that is reserved for himself during special alone time  
KARKAT: YES, SIR.  
DAVE: now turn around so i can fucking rip your ass apart  
DAVE: its going to be indistinguishable from roadkill  
DAVE: your entire lower half will be split open like a bunch of octopus legs in fifteen to thirty minutes  
DAVE: depending on how well this desensitizing condom works  
KARKAT: OKAY!!! I'M READY FOR YOUR DICK IN MY **JUICY ASS**!  
DAVE: IT WAS INVENTED BY GOD FOR ME!!  
DAVE: THE CHRISTIAN GOD  
KARKAT: THE ONE TRUE LORD  
KARKAT: TONIGHT IMMA LET YOU BE A RIDER!!  


THE FRIENDSHIP...  


DAVE: unf unf unf  
KARKAT: AWOOOO!!! AWOOOOGA!  
DAVE: uuug uug unf yeaaaah  
DAVE: yeaaaaaaah  
DAVE: bleh bleh bleh  
DAVE: bleh bleh bleh bleh  
KARKAT: WOOOOOOOO  
DAVE: yeah yeah woooooooo eeeeee  
KARKAT: RARARARARARARARA  
DAVE: waaaaaaaaa  
DAVE: banizimo!  
DAVE: banizimo!  
DAVE: mwah ahhhh  
DAVE: mwah  
DAVE: ahhh  
DAVE: mwah  
DAVE: aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh  
KARKAT: STOP KISSING YOUR FINGERTIPS AND SPREADING THEM PALM UP IN THE AIR.  
DAVE: woah howd you know i was doing that back here while im in your ass  
KARKAT: I CAN SEE YOU IN THE MIRROR, DAVE.  
DAVE: oh so thats your secret  
DAVE: you get to watch us this whole time with your nasty eyes  
KARKAT: YEAH AND THEN I CAN SAY WHAT YOURE DOING OUT LOUD SO THE READER KNOWS AND CAN THINK ABOUT THAT.  
DAVE: oh yeah  
DAVE: hey reader  
DAVE: yeah you  
DAVE: guess what im doing now  
DAVE: mmmmmmmmmmmmm  
DAVE: isnt it great  
DAVE: you can imagine anything you want  
DAVE: the power of imagination  
KARKAT: HE'S MASSAGING HIS NIPPLES WITH HIS RING FINGERS AND FLICKING HIS TONGUE UP IN THE AIR WHILE HE VIOLENTLY RAMS MY ASSHOLE.  
DAVE: hey karkat the troll come on  
DAVE: im trying to foster an environment conducive to learning  
DAVE: i want the reader to come away from this changed you know  
DAVE: i want the reader to know something new and have some life skills  
DAVE: i didn't even get to finish middle school do you know what kind of weight that leaves on a guy  
DAVE: all thinking every day what he could have been if he had just had the opportunities  
DAVE: instead all i have is my nightly shredding your sphincter  
DAVE: where i ass dick your ass until i come and your blood is all over my belly  
DAVE: trolls have an astounding constitution when it comes to losing half their entire bodys blood and having their rancid holes vaporized a couple times a day  
KARKAT: KEEP FUCKING MY ASSHOLE, BOO-BAH!  
DAVE: oh yeah ok  


AND THEY KEPT DOING THE SAME THING........  


DAVE: oh  
DAVE: oooooh  
KARKAT: YIP! YIP! YIP!  
DAVE: now karkat  
DAVE: NOW CKARKAT DO TI  
DAVE: DO IT IDKARKAT DO AIT SAY IT SAY IT KARKAT  
KARKAT: OH RIGHT RIGHT OH RIGHT OH RIGHT  
DAVE: AAAAAAAAAAAAHH  
KARKAT: HAPPY PATTER! HAPPY PATTER!  
DAVE: AAAAAAPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFHAAAAAAA  
KARKAT: YOU'RE OUTTA HERE YOU'RE OUTTA WIZARD SCHOOL FOREVER YOU STUPID ASSHOLE.  
DAVE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
DAVE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA  
KARKAT: OHHHHH BOOOYYEEEEEEEEE  
DAVE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AAAAAaaaaaaaahhhh  
DAVE: oh karkat  
DAVE: oh karkat your funny stupid head  
DAVE: you stupid funny dong dong beebo dip stort front nuffler  
DAVE: weve had a good time tonight  
DAVE: now i will go to bed  
KARKAT: OKAY  
DAVE:  
KARKAT: HEY, DAVE?  
DAVE:  
KARKAT: DAVE?  
DAVE:  
KARKAT: HE FELL ASLEEP.  
KARKAT: HE FELL ASLEEP AND NOW I AM SAYING IT OUT LOUD TO NOBODY.  
KARKAT: K I'M GOING TO SLEEP NOW TOO  


ME TOO  


THE END, GOOD NIGHT  



End file.
